Thursday, August 30, 2012

Meta Apocalypse

This post is not about programming, or computers, or anything else that could be relevant to this blog. I just decided to post it here because nobody reads facebook statuses this long.
It's funny though!

Alright, here are the main plot points for the screenplay I'll be writing. It's going to be 100% pure concentrated weapons-grade awesomesauce. For the leading roles I hope to cast Bruce Willis and some redheaded woman who will be described using adjectives such as "plucky". Maybe also Will Smith.

* Sometime around 2030, mad North Korean scientists finally manage to create a deadly virus... which ends up turning people into shambling, groaning, brain-eating zombies. Standard group of survivors VS zombies urban fighting scenes ensue.
* The Global AI Network which has been in place since the late 2020's, giving its vast intelligence for the betterment of mankind, wipes out the zombies via many special effects, but consequently realizes that it's really in mankind's best interest to be enslaved. Standard robot uprising scenes of oppression and man VS machine battle scenes ensue.
* Just when things appear darkest, with the machines' victory seemingly inevitable, the Zx'qrixian Mothership lands, bearing good will and promises of unimaginable technological advancements for all... lemurs. Mankind and robots, having been unkind towards said lemurs, are to be exterminated. Standard ridiculously uneven humans VS aliens fight scenes ensue.
* While the humans and aliens (and robots) are still fighting, the long prophecied natural disaster strikes, in the form of solar flares coupled with global warming. The alien technology is crippled by the flares and the aliens themselves suffer greatly from the heat, allowing mankind to defeat them. Standard scenes of gangs fighting over technological leftovers in post-apocalyptic desert wastelands ensue.
* It is at this point - obviously - that the demons start swarming out of hell, and hosts of angels leave heaven, and they clash in the battle of Armageddon while the humans, if any are left, are caught in the middle. Standard scenes of angels fighting demons while both sides try to force the humans to join their cause for poorly explained reasons ensue.
* As expected, the legions of hell emerge triumphant. However, since they were utilizing humans in their war, they also used up all the nuclear warheads left from before all this insanity started, which results in a nuclear winter. The demons, what with all the fire and brimstone, are forced to retreat from the frozen earth back into hell. Standard ragged group of humans fighting for survival in a barren, frozen wasteland scenes ensue.

I'm still working on a 7th apocalyptic scenario that somehow fixes the nuclear winter. I might settle for an asteroid that carries bacteria that simply kill all the remaining humans.
So what do you think, should I head over to Kickstarter and start working on it? :D

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